Anyone who knows me well knows I am an extremely driven person. I am a "Type A" on steroids. I have been a workaholic since the day I started my first job.
Working from home has been a challenge because I have to intentionally "quit work" to focus on my family and other things that need my attention.
I am also an extremely restless person. I am a goal-oriented, future-minded person. If an activity does not lead to growth and development, if it does not move me toward goals and dreams or things for which I'm preparing in the future, I tend not to be involved in it. What this means is every hobby I have, everything I "do for fun," is centered around productivity. My idea of relaxing is crocheting a baby blanket or reading a book from cover-to-cover because I need to finish a certain amount of books this year to hit my goal.
I don't rest very well.
As a result of being so focused and driven, I get very frustrated when I don't see progress as quickly as I feel I should. I get discouraged when I throw my all into something and it doesn't turn out to be successful. I get upset when I feel like I'm wasting my time. And that's exactly how I was feeling earlier this week, like I was adrift on an iceberg in the middle of the arctic, wasting my life.
My husband and I are working on a few start-up business ideas and expanding our reach with our nonprofit. I'm homeschooling two kids, writing a book, and receiving education online. I'm daily creating and producing. But nothing is moving. Everything feels like it's dragging and going nowhere.
So, I cried.
As I poured out my heart to my husband and to the Lord, I realized I needed to feel the Father's delight for me. I needed to hear Him say He's pleased with me, He enjoys the product of my gifts and talents put to use for Him, He takes joy in who I am. As I spent time with Him and expressed my heartache, He comforted me and He restored me to joy.
He also told me I need to stop being a workaholic and I need to learn to rest - genuinely rest - in His love and His approval of me. That doesn't mean I sit around and do nothing - I couldn't even if I tried, I would go CRAZY! - it just means I don't need to strive for anyone's approval, to feel I contribute value to the world around me, or to meet my own needs. I need to rest in His ability to fulfill me and to let His love be enough.
My challenge to you is to take time this week to let His love meet your inward needs and bring you peace in areas where you were striving.