Updated: Jun 24, 2019
They say sometimes you have to lose what you love in order to appreciate it. I don’t believe that’s the best way to learn. But I do know it to be true for many people.
There, I’ve said it. I hate divorce. I hate two hearts becoming one, just to separate and become two again.
I understand, there are instances when divorce is a good thing.
That’s not what this post is about. This is for those who have “been there, done that, bought the t-shirt,” but didn’t want the divorce.
The Church does a great job at many things. We’re pretty good at welcoming new people who look, act, and talk just like us. We’re decent at accepting those who don’t, as long as they are on the road to transformation.
But we, as a whole, do not do a good job at ministering to the hearts broken by divorce.
There’s a lady I know who asked a telling question in a church meeting when the pastor was talking about the importance of marriage and how divorce is wrong when it’s done for selfish reasons. Her question was this:
“So, are you saying those of us who are divorced are just garbage someone threw away because they were done with us?”
It was a powerful moment. I’m pleased to say the pastor responded in a way that answered the question on the surface and met the underlying need.
Everyone needs to be loved. Everyone needs to feel worthy of the love, affection, time, and attention of others. And divorce is a really good liar.
Divorce screams, “You aren’t worthy of being loved! You’re just trash! You aren’t perfect enough to be someone’s spouse! You don’t deserve to be happy – you even deserve to live!
You’re just wasting oxygen and taking up space someone else could better utilize!”
It’s time we take out the trash – not the divorcee/divorced, but the lie that says this person no longer has the same value as a married man or woman.
If you have gone through a divorce, you need to know you are still worthy of love, you’re still gorgeous, still talented, still a wonderful person. The only thing that has changed is your marital status. That’s not a determining factor in your salvation, and it shouldn’t be in your relationships with others. You are valuable.