• Kelly

The Crucible of Character

If you ever want to get to know yourself a little better, get married. I mean, don’t let that be the only reason you walk down the aisle, of course.

Honestly, there is no better way to discover just what kind of person you truly are than to share yourself and your life with another person. Parenting adds another dimension on top of it!

Let’s start at marriage, though, for now.

You meet someone amazing, you fall in love, you’re obsessed with this person 24/7, and then you realize you can’t fathom spending another moment apart and your life would have a giant gaping hole without this special person in it. So, you decide to get married.

Friend, you might want to ditch the white gown and don a pair of combat boots instead: You’re entering a war! And not with the person you think.

Oh, sure, his smelly farts get annoying – especially when he farts in a moving vehicle while you’re pregnant with terrible morning sickness and then he locks the windows of the car, so you can’t roll down them down for fresh air, and you almost throw up all over the place, and then you start to bawl uncontrollably. Not that I would know what that’s like from experience or anything. *clears throat* Ahem. Moving on.

Yes, the clothing all over the house instead of hanging in a closet gets old (to be fair, I have piles of stuff – mostly books and papers - everywhere…).

The snoring can get on your nerves if you’re a light sleeper.

Or if you’re married to a booger-picker (not us) like a friend I know, you could be in for a real treat in some unexpected places!

But those things, although they can cause arguments, aren’t really what you’re fighting.

It’s the person in the mirror.

Yup, you read it right. When marital irritations happen, the war isn’t so much with your spouse inasmuch as it is with yourself. How will you choose to respond? Do you have a knee-jerk reaction and a nasty temper? Do you name-call? Throw stuff? Get rude? Go silent? Gossip about him? Give him the cold shoulder?

You need to know before you get married that living with your spouse will draw out the best – and the worst – of you. Get ready for some epic character refinement!

The good news is, you can change!

As you learn to identify your weaknesses and less-than-desirable traits, you now position yourself to change, to grow as a person.

The wife you are today doesn’t have to be the wife you choose to be tomorrow. You can make choices today to set yourself up for a better marriage next year, next week, or even in the next hour.

If you’re a man, you can choose to be a better husband. You don’t have to resort to your ‘default’ temperament or ingrained habits.

You can choose to make new habits, ones you are proud of having.

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